It’s also a place where I run into an older man who has made a lasting impact on me. This older gentleman comes to the same coffee shop where I work every Monday and participates in a men’s Bible study. I very quickly realized there was something different about him and the way he approaches his life.
It’s admittedly hard not to overhear conversations when I’m working out of a coffee shop, though I’ve largely learned to block everything out and focus on my work. Sometimes, though, conversations will be especially loud or intense and I cannot help but overhear. This was the case during one of this man’s past discussions with his men’s group. His responses and contributions to the group discussion were filled with so much kindness, optimism and a hope-filled yet realistic perspective that made me want to speak with him further.
We began chatting — just general pleasantries — but over the course of a few months, he shared more about his life with me, including the fact that he is a stage four prostate cancer survivor. Our conversations are never long (10 minutes or less) but something about the words we exchange stick with me every time we chat.
Last Monday I found out he is moving to South Carolina next month. I was a lot more bummed out about this news than I would’ve thought and I’ve been asking myself why. I don’t think I realized how much I looked forward to our simple Monday chats and this man’s short-but-sweet anecdotes of wisdom that can only be acquired by someone with so much life experience.
Last week, he said hello to a man I’ve never seen before who was sitting at the table in front of mine. He did not know this man and their conversation began the way you’d expect strangers to converse with the basic, “Hi, how are you?” When the young man then asked the older man how he was doing, he said, “I’m doing great and if I’m not doing great it’s my own fault!”
We began our Monday chat right after this exchange and I had to ask him how he came to have such a refreshing perspective about his days. He said he’s learned so much in his life and shared how much his battle with prostate cancer, his relationship with God and the verse Romans 5:3 impacted his life. (I’ve shared before how I can struggle in my own relationship with God and this man also does so much to encourage me in my faith.) He said it took him a very, very long time to claim responsibility over his own feelings and his joy. He said he spent way too many years letting the attitudes and actions of others impact his days and realized the way he feels and the direction of his day is something largely in his own control.
This does not at all dismiss or discount the really hard days — days filled with horrible news, true challenges or mental health struggles — but in the normalcy of regular days, I love the way he said it’s up to HIM to find and live out his own joy.
My mom was actually recently diagnosed with breast cancer… again. She overcame her first battle with breast cancer after a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation 16 years ago. We found out a couple of weeks ago she has breast cancer again and the days that followed this news were filled with so much worry, stress and fear as we awaited additional information. Most of what we’ve learned from follow-up appointments since her initial diagnosis has only served to give us hope. She’ll have surgery this month and we will know more about what her treatment plan will look like after surgery. We are hopeful.
I’m thinking of my Monday conversations with my coffee shop friend a lot lately. I’m thinking of his cancer journey and his incredible perspective. I’m thinking of the hope carries with him everyday, his strong faith and Romans 5:3. I’m praying. I’m also fully believing my mom will be okay, which is exactly what she is believing, too. So much of my joy and the optimism I feel in life is something I learned from my mother and it’s something I deeply hope and pray our boys feel every day.
While I do believe some aspects of our perspective on life can be taught or a learned behavior, since becoming a mother, I’ve also come to witness first-hand how it seems like we may be innately predisposed to approach life with a more positive, joyful attitude or an attitude that may cause us to have to work a little harder to look on the bright side of things or feel happiness, hopefulness and joy every morning. I see this play out in our three boys in their self-talk, their anticipation of the outcome of events, etc. Ryan and I can speak positively, lovingly and encouragingly to our boys until we’re blue in the face and model this for them, but their personal optimism/pessimism/realism seems to be innate.
I shared some of this on Instagram Stories and absolutely loved the conversations I had with you guys in my direct messages. When I shared a poll to see if you have to work at feeling joyful in your life or if you feel like you’re naturally predisposed to be a happier person, it was split nearly right down the middle.
I believe I am naturally a more optimistic person and I’ve always felt like a lot of my positivity in life stems from gratitude. My last prayer before bed every single night and my first prayer when I wake up in the morning is always, always one of immense gratitude. Even during really, really hard days. But even as someone who feels naturally predisposed to be joyful, I have days where I feel really off. I have days where I feel bitey, prickly and just generally less patient, more easily annoyed, angrier and all things unpleasant.
These are the days where I really try to ask myself why I’m feeling the way I am and I try to think about how I can take back some control over my day. This is not easy and it’s also not something I do every time but I’ve found that there are some things I can do that will help me turn a bad day around. (To be clear, not every hard day — especially the legitimately horrible days filled with bad news — are days I feel like I can turn around and I think it’s very much okay to feel our way through them.) But the middle-ground days? The days that just feel a little off? The days where I feel unusually affected by something small and negative? These are the days I don’t want to lose to a bad mood.
A big-time mood booster for me is going on a solo walk outside with our dog. Getting outside and spending time alone in nature, away from any chaos of everyday life, and walking with Pepper as she hops along joyfully, absolutely thrilled to find something as simple as a perfect patch of extra-stinky grass, does wonders for resetting my mind.
Another small thing I’ve been doing for years is asking myself a simple question: “Will whatever is bugging me matter in a year?” If the answer is no, why am I giving it any energy and letting it ruin my day? (This obviously does not work for the big stuff, but for the little things we sometimes let take up a bigger space in our minds than they deserve, it works wonders for me.)
I wanted to take a minute to share some of the mood-boosting ideas you guys shared with me via Instagram below as well because I found them so helpful and also just plain fun to read. You guys inspire me so much in my life and I’ve found myself thinking about what you all shared with me a lot over the past week. Knowing sometimes we all have to be a little more proactive if we want to take control of our days and find a way to get ourselves out of a funk can help make those rough days feel a little less isolating, frustrating and daunting.
Your most popular mood boosting ideas:
- Getting outside (a walk, simple movement in nature, etc.)
- Working out
- Listening to music
Additional ideas you shared to help boost your mood:
- Doing a puzzle
- Ask myself, “Is this worth ruining my day over?”
- Completing a few simple tasks around my house
- Cleaning
- Time alone to recharge
- Reminding myself it’s okay to have a bad day, but not okay to treat people poorly
- Thinking about Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory (I want to read this book!)
- Gratitude journaling
- Taking time to sip my coffee with no distractions
- Laying on the floor like a starfish (I laughed out loud and loved this one!)
- Reading a novel
- Putting my phone away for the day
- A hot shower or bath
- Getting a car wash
- Thinking about what I would tell my kids or my best friend if they were in the same situation and telling that to myself
- Praying
- Ordering takeout — knowing I don’t have to think about dinner helps lighten the load on bad days
- Reminding myself I can start fresh anytime and don’t have to wait until tomorrow
- Getting out of my house
- Snuggling with my pet
- Watching a comfort show on TV (The TV show Friends came up a lot!)
- Listening to an audiobook
- Looking up at the sky
- Laughing with my kids
- Treating myself to a pedicure
- Rephrasing when I find myself complaining (“I get to do x, y, x because…”)
- Getting in bed early, taking a nap, sleeping, etc.
- Reminding myself I can only control my actions, not the actions/moods of others
- Taking the time to do my makeup and wear something that makes me feel good
- Jumping on my kids’ trampoline
- Venting to a friend or partner
- Meditating
- Deep breathing
- Buying myself flowers
- Reminding myself nothing lasts forever
- Researching an upcoming vacation
- Creating art, coloring, knitting, etc.
- I try to be the person my dog thinks I am
- Enjoy some kind of a treat in my house, like a fun drink or fun food
I’d love to hear from you guys more on this topic if you’d like to share.
What are some things you do when you’re in a bad mood to help yourself feel a little better?
Do you feel like you are innately a happy person or is is something you feel like you have to work a little harder at in your life?
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2025-02-05 03:00:42
